Calculations and stuff.

Hmmmmm...

I have two weeks left, a little under two weeks actually. Two weeks ago was December 12...

I guess everyone has counted down to something. Of course, most normal countdowns end with a ceremony like marriage or graduation. I have never counted down to ceremony, but I have counted down twice before: when I moved out of Mrs. F's and my current countdown to coming home. During that first countdown those last few weeks were almost unbearable. Here we are again, two weeks left.

I'm guessing most people, like myself, create mathematical formulas to make the time pass quicker when they near the end. Some of my favorites:

Multiplying the days by twenty-four, the remaining hours by sixty and the remaining minutes by sixty. It gives you one large sum that never stops moving. Let's see: 1,245,600 seconds. Give or take a couple hundred seconds. On second thought, I don't like that one...

Better yet, let's go with percentages. I have been in China total of 123 days, and I have 14 left. Therefore I have 10% of my time in China remaining. Oh dear. That's depressing. 10% of my life is over two years. 10% is the difference between an A and a B. I'm trying to forget this one...

Or you could shave days. Let's see, since tomorrow it will be 13 days, and today is almost over with. Let's just say the countdown is at 13. And since I'm counting down the days until I get back in America, let's just pretend it's a countdown to leave so it's really at 12 days. Yea I don't like that one either...

Or when taken to extremes, the meta-physical time jump. I usually ask myself where I was one week ago today, say "Wow that doesn't seem like that long ago," and then I apply it to the future. So now the countdown is down to seven days. And since two weeks ago was December 12, and that doesn't seem that long ago (yea it does) then technically I should be leaving any second now. Well, we're 0 for 4...

Or better yet, pretend I am loving this and that the countdown is really something I'm not looking forward too. Then you have to ask why someone would countdown to something when they are not looking forward to it. That's why you don't ask...

And then I slap my head and say "You idiot! It's just two weeks!" When Haley hit her two week mark I kept thinking "Man if I could just make it two weeks, hot dog I'd be set!" Well it's passed. I've been telling myself since the first of October that if I could just make it to Christmas, man, I'd be sitting pretty. Well that happen yesterday. So I'm good, I'm slowly realizing that I should just enjoy it while I can, because it ain't happening again.

And yet when I'm thinking all this mumbo-jumbo, the comedian in the back of my head keeps saying "And you were supposed to do this a whole year!" (rimshot) (canned laughter). Sometime I forget that fact, and then I remember it, and then I forget it again, and then I think "Who were these people kidding? Do this a whole year?" I don't blame the College or the organization for wanting some form of long-term commitment of course. So I guess when I say "These people," I mean every person that has done the China experience and liked it. They must be out of their minds (I have started so many posts with "I believe we should institutionalize anyone who enjoys doing this..." before realizing we would be committing many of my good friends to the loony bin). Of course, before I left I asked seven or eight people who had taught in China before if they enjoyed it, and all recommended it. A 100% approval rate is hard to question.

Alright, alright, alright. So I'm the nut. I realize it, and I hate nothing more. Every single daggum person that has come to China loves it. And what's more, every single daggum person that leaves our beloved Country loves the experience. You could put me on Ripley's Believe it or Not: "Up next, a man who left America and didn't have the time of his life. Believe it, or not?" Ugh, I'm never going to overcome this English-major-travel-abroad-inferiority-complex. I'm like that penguin who just wants to dance! (I didn't like that movie by the way) While all the other penguins want to travel and they don't understand why I want to dance (mixed metaphor but you get the point). Man. I'm going to be regulated to the dust-bin of humanity. Maybe my experience is situational, or maybe I'm just a wuss. I don't care, either way get me home.

Anyways, to sum this up, a list of things I am looking forward to:

No one staring at me in public, no one yelling hello, no mandatory hard-liquor every time I eat a decent meal, no one expecting me to have the secret to English fluency, not being approached by strangers for the secret to English fluency, not being the center of attention everywhere I go, not being used by one person to get on another person's good side, not losing my bank card, not being woken up every morning at 6:15 by the school song, Chick-fil-a, not being offered cigarettes every day, not being cut in line, no more random cell-phone pictures, no more inquiries into my girlfriends, my ability to speak Chinese, my ability to use Chopsticks, my future plans to travel China; family, friends, etc.

But in the spirit of fairness, I would like to list the things I will miss about China:

When I am the recipient of a smile from a pretty Chinese girl.

Now see! Being here isn't all bad. I know I'm going to miss that!

"I'll see you in the morning if nothing happens."

p.s. Happens a lot actually. If I'm thirty and still single, I'll be coming back.

p.s.s. But let's not count on it.