Whoops.

I was a bitter kid in high school, with some very jaded friends. One day, two of my friends--who will remain anonymous--and I were sitting around the lunch table when one of my friends said "You know what, we should create a misogynist's club," and I, in my infinite wisdom said "Yea, we could call ourselves the three masseuses!" Of course I attempted making a brilliant pun on "The Three Stooges," (never mind a masseuse is female) only to find that I made an equally ignorant, but hilarious, malapropism on the word misogynist. After hours of derision, I discovered that misogynist is someone who hates the female race, and has absolutely nothing to do with massages. In essence my friends said "Hey let's create a club for jaded guys who hate women," while I was saying "Yea, and we could call ourselves the three girls that give massages!" In the preceding blog post, I intended the word misogynist to be a malaproptastic throw back to the glory days of high school.

The misspelling of dam however...

I can't explain it really; I never set out to misspell dam or introduce PG rated cuss words into my blog. I don't know what brought it on. It's been fifteen years since I contemplated how adding "n" to a word makes it dirty, or rather how the subtracting "n" from a word can make it clean. However, I have to admit, the entire time I was writing yesterday's post, there was a transcendent mother figure in the back of my head screaming "You shouldn't use that word in your blog! That word is too close to a dirty word! Do you know who reads this thing?! What if they skimmed over the paragraph, read it wrong, and thought you meant the bad word?" To which I replied (to the transcendent mother figure in the back of my head) "What am I, seven? Damn is not a bad word!"

Apparently I never overcame those language insecurities: I subconsciously misspelled dam five times, reread the post two times, and didn't notice my mistake until some friends pointed it out the next morning (at that point I screamed "Mother I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it mother!).

It's only a matter of time before I dress up like my transcendent mother figure, take my dictionary to the shower, and slice it up with the huge butcher knife.

But, I feel I have to explain this thoroughly, because in misspelling dam I inadvertently stuck two malapropisms in one blog post where I only attended one. One was glaring (Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!) while the other is easily missed unless you are writing a term paper on Web Log of Madman. With that being said "damgate" as I would like to call it, was totally unplanned and slightly hilarious. That was the point of this post.

Of course, I now feel like that shrink that arrives, explains everything that has happened in the last ninety minutes, and kills all the fun and suspense of a slightly funny and delightfully ambiguous blog post. Oh well, have a good day.

"I'll see you in the morning if nothing happens."

P.s. Dictionary? I wouldn't even harm a fly.

p.s.s. Ok. So I've waited twenty minutes for one of the 18 flies in my apartment to land on my hand so I could type "There is a fly crawling on my hand right now; creepy." But the little buggers arn't being friendly tonight. Sometimes things just don't go your way.